If I Should Fall
by MyDearestGirl
Summary: The only way to protect their future was to keep them apart. When the Dark Lord learns of Draco's weakness, Draco is forced to bargain his free will in order to protect her soul. But an end to war does not mean an end to all battles. 1-7 and beyond. Draco/OC
1. Chapter 1

~Chapter 1: Beginnings~

It is said that people can change. But is it really possible for someone to do a complete 180 and change for good? I honestly don't know what to believe, whom to trust, or what the future holds. But I guess the great thing about time is, eventually, I will find out.

Now:

It's dark here. I don't understand why the wizarding world is insists on such dim lighting. It brings an added eeriness to the room. As if this isn't hard enough.

I should be grateful for the dimness… considering I will have less difficulty keeping my emotions for being so plainly displayed on my face if it is dark.

I shift uncomfortably in the wooden seat. It's a long, dark mahogany bench. There are many benches in this courtroom. Other wizards and witches have come to observe the trial, as I have. They are filing in beside me, taking care not to take up too much room. I feel as though they are keeping their distance from me. I had heard that rumors were spreading through the ministry of my affiliation with the Malfoys. But I had not expected this… ostracizing.

I clutch at the hem of my skirt. It's a long, dark blue piece, which matches my blazer. I had thought it more appropriate to forgo my robes at this event. I will stand out regardless.

A loud banging reaches my ears as the judge at the end of the room strikes the gavel. He calls for order, and announces that the court will now be in session. My gaze shifts to the entrance. I'm anticipating him. I know they'll bring him now. But the scene that meets my eyes makes my heart burn with a dull ache.

Draco is standing at the entrance of the courtroom, between two aurors. They escort him the center of the room, where large and rather stately chair awaits him. Draco stops in front of the chair, awaiting permission to take his seat.

He's closer to me now. I can observe him clearly. Draco has been through a lot these past few months. Having been held in Askaban Prison, awaiting trial by the Ministry of Magic. It has taken it's toll on his features. He is no longer the boy I knew in school. He seems much older. His eyes are jaded, his hair is longer, and he's established a bit of scruff around his chin. Despite the realization that this boy, in my absence, has transformed into a man. I am not sure exactly what kind of man to believe him to be now. His overall appearance is disheveled, and he exudes….defiance?

The Malfoys have always been a proud family. But Draco is no longer in a position of power. He cannot disrespect the ministry. _Not now._

I take in a sharp breath, having not noticed I was holding it previously. I can do nothing for him now.

The judge gives Draco permission to sit down, and he obliges willingly. Then, the proceedings begin, as the Malfoy Family case is presented to the court. Every detail of the happenings during Voldemort's attack, and the Malfoy's involvement, makes my stomach churn. Draco will be punished. But how severely?

And would my testimony help?

Year 1:

My name is Alice Hart and my story begins at Hogwarts, School of Magic and Wizardry. I was ten years old when I first saw Hogwarts Castle. Cho Chang and I were sharing a rowboat, our transportation as first years. Being a shy and not overly confident girl that, I was uneasy about transitioning into my new home. The stonewalls were so massive, and the magic so peculiar that I felt very out of place.

Once my name was called for house sorting by the professors, I proceeded to the front of the room and shakily sat upon the tall stool. My fingers violently quivered from nerves as I placed the sorting hat upon my head and waited for an answer. The hat began to speak to me in low tones, "Hm…Miss Hart. You're a timid little thing, aren't you? You are not simply a mouse of a creature, though. I can see that you are very sociable once you have established trust with another. You are very kind and loyal. Those are very good traits for a Gryffindor. I also see that you are protective of your loved ones. You would do well in Hufflepuff…however; I also see that you are an intelligent girl. You are motivated to learn and take pride in your work." The hat sat in pensive silence for some time before concluding, "I would like to place you in Ravenclaw, Miss Hart. Does this suit you?"

I smiled slightly and nodded my approval. The sorting hat grinned back and raised his voice to the hall, "Ravenclaw!"

Thus began my Hogwarts adventure as a fledgling Ravenclaw.

Adjusting to my new school was a challenge my first year. Because I was afraid of heights, flying lessons with a broom went horribly. I only passed the class because the professor knew I was putting all my efforts into improving. I would never be a Quiditch player- or any such athlete.

Despite my awkwardness, I found sanctuary in the confines of the hospital wing. Madame Pomfrey allowed me to observe her and eventually took me on as an apprentice. Much of my free time was spent there or in the library, so my friends always knew where to find me.

My best friend at Hogwarts is, without a doubt, Cho Chang. We are both Ravenclaws and have been roommates for several years. Although Cho has much more confidence, she always knows how to bring out my playful side. We've been together throughout these seven years, and I trust her more than anyone else in my house.

Year 2:

Second year, Cho and I would walk the halls in pairs as Headmaster Dumbledore had suggested. There was talk of the Chamber of Secrets and how no one would be safe on the grounds. I was not allowed to work in the hospital wing much that year due to the tight security. Once in a while one of the Ravenclaw prefects would offer to escort me there and back. I eagerly accepted and continued my studies of the healing arts in choppy increments. I treasured those moments because I never knew when I would be able to return.

Much of the goings on between Harry Potter and the Dark Lord were unknown to me at this time, and I heard little of the Chamber of Secrets. The Chamber being, by it's very name, a secret, was not common gossip in the Ravenclaw common room until well into third year, after Harry and his friends had already defeated the Basilisk.

Had I known of the darkness that loomed within the least traveled halls of Hogwarts, I would have perhaps avoided late nights in the hospital wing and instead focused my attention on defense against the dark arts.

Year 3:

Third year death eaters surrounded Hogwarts. But, as they were outside, they never intervened in my frequent visits to the Hospital Wing. I continued to observe Madame Pomfrey and learned as much as I could about how to brew basic medications. She taught me helpful healing spells, but nothing significantly powerful. Madame Pomfrey did, however, teach me the basic potions for common ailments as students came in for treatment. I was able to mend scratches and bruises at this time, but most major injuries were out of my league. Most of my time in the hospital wing was spent restocking shelves and doing laundry to prepare for new patients.

During one particular quiditch match, Harry Potter was flung from his broom and fell hundreds of feet out of the sky onto the quiditch pitch. Professor Dumbledore magnified his voice, "Madame Pomfrey, we need you on the field!"

I scrambled out of my seat, realizing Madame Pomfrey would want assistance, and ran down the flights of stairs that brought me to ground level. Flinging myself out onto the quiditch pitch lawn, I sprinted toward Harry Potter.

I was the first to reach him, but he was unconscious and in bad shape. Dumbledore hurried to my side with Madame Pomfrey close behind. They examined Harry while I quickly healed a few minor scratches on his face. Dumbledore asked, "Can you help him, Madame Pomfrey?"

Madame nodded, "Potter will be back in good health once we're through with him."

I assisted with his transfer onto a gurney, and used the hover charm to move Harry across the field.

In the hospital wing, I tended to the smaller tasks Harry needed while Madame Pomfrey made the required medicines. Many of Harry's friends came to visit him, but he remained unconscious. This allowed me to build relationships with a few Gryffindors, like Ron Weasley and his siblings, Neville Longbottom, and Hermione Granger. Hermione was my absolute favorite of the group, and we became very good friends over time.

Harry recovered from his fall and life continued in it's normal routine quite uneventfully- except for one small argument, which sparked an all-out war. A clash began that day, between Draco and myself, and it would take me years to understand the true significance of this beginning.

My first problem with Draco Malfoy began as a confrontation in the dining hall. He approached Cho, Hermione, and me as we were dropping Hermione off at the Gryffindor table where Harry and Ron were waiting for her. Draco entered the hall soon after us and immediately spotted Harry, zoning in like a gnat to light. Draco began taunting Harry, which he promptly ignored. Realizing that failed, Draco turned on us girls. More specifically, Draco poked fun at Hermione, "What are you looking at, Mudblood? I see you've made some more pureblood friends to sully with your filthy presence." He spat at Hermione, motioning toward Cho and myself.

Cho spat back, "You have no right to talk to her like she's nothing, you prat! Besides, her marks are far higher than yours, and you know it!"

Draco retaliated coolly, "What do marks matter when you have a whole lineage of great wizards coursing through your veins!"

I spoke up, "Isn't that just based on assumption? I mean, how do you REALLY know there is no muggle in your veins? There could always have been a secret in the bloodline somewhere. Maybe your ancestor had relations with a muggle and didn't tell anyone."

Draco snorted, "And what would you know about that, dirty hair?"

"Excuse me?" I was in shock.

"Your hair can't decide between blonde or brunette. It's playing both sides. That makes it pretty dirty if you ask me. Are you as dirty as your hair, dirty hair?," Draco taunted.

Harry stood up from his seat on the bench, "Leave her be, Malfoy."

Draco grinned, "Does it bother you that I've taken an interest in your girlfriends?"

Cho growled, "How dare you! At least she has the decency to bathe regularly, unlike a certain Slytherin!"

Draco looked amused, "Who? Goyle?"

Cho frowned and Draco smirked, "I suppose I'll go sit with that smelly Slytherin."

Draco turned to leave, but kept looking in my direction. "For the record, I like your dirty hair." He winked before walking away.

I recoiled and blushed as he walked away. Ron rolled his eyes, "Ignore him, Alice. He just wants to get under your skin."

The entire argument had become so elementary. I'd never experienced any sort of bullying in school prior to Draco's comments in the dining commons that day. He left me be the rest of the day, and I hadn't expected the taunts to continue coming in my direction.

Draco continued to confront Harry often throughout the year, but he usually ignored me. Once in a while Draco would tap my right shoulder in the halls and walk to my left quickly so I wouldn't know who had asked for my attention. I figured it out pretty quickly. Draco's blonde head was hard to miss. Whatever Draco wanted to get out of bothering me, I was determined not to let him have it. This meant I adamantly ignored him the rest of the year.

Year 4:

The trouble fourth year didn't start out at Hogwarts. I was invited to see a quiditch tournament with the Weasley family, Hermione, and Harry. We had become close over the past year, and I spent the summer penpal-ing with Hermione.

I met my three new friends at the Weasley's burrow via the floo network. As soon as we were all together, Mr. Weasley prepared us for apparating. We apparated to the tournament site, set up camp, and continued to the stadium. Once in the stands, I watched in absolute amazement as the professional quiditch players dashed across my vision.

Hermione nudged me while I was watching the game. She hissed in my ear, "Look, the Malfoys are here."

I looked down to see Draco Malfoy peering up at me through the transparent stands. He pointed up to me and motioned with his hands back to himself. I had no idea what he was trying to tell me. We weren't friends. There was no way he was just saying "Hello". Then I realized he was indicating my skirt, then pointing to his eyes, and finally pointing upwards. THE ASS COULD SEE UP MY SKIRT.

I blushed a deep shade of red and gave him the most sinister scowl I could muster in my embarrassment. He realized I got the message and chuckled, then turned away to follow his father.

I grumbled, "That stupid git looked up my skirt!"

Ron looked over at me, then down at the see-through floor. "Hm… Not that I like Draco Malfoy, but I do admire his observation skills."

I elbowed Ron in reply and he groaned.

After the game, we returned to the Weasley's tent. Everyone was dancing around playfully in celebration of our team's victory. The boys were jumping around on furniture, hooting and hollering. I was still angry with Draco, and sat with my chin resting in my hands. Fred noticed my gloomy mood and said, " Don't worry, Alice. He'll have to do a lot more than look up your skirt to impregnate you."

This sent the boys into a laughing fit. I just rolled my eyes. Ron continued the conversation, "Can you imagine? Little blonde Malfoy babies crawling about?"

George laughed, "I wonder what house they'll get sorted into. What do you think, Mrs. Malfoy?"

I groaned, "I'm not going to marry the first guy that gets a good look up my skirt, so you can just shut up about it!"

Suddenly a loud crackle and then a boom sounded overhead. Mr. Weasley bolted for the door, "Stay here until I tell you it's safe."

We waited, and Mr. Weasley came back inside, "Everyone, leave your things here. We have to go now! The dark mark is here! Death eaters are coming!"

I grabbed my coat quickly and sprinted out the door after everyone else. Crowds of people were running in panic, and it was difficult to keep up with the rest of my group.

A stranger barreled into me and I flung down to the floor with a thud. The stranger kept going in a panic without concerning himself over my welfare. I called out to the Weasleys, but they were already gone. I was alone in the chaos.

I ran in the direction I thought the Weasleys had gone, but made slow progress due to the crowds. Eventually, the streams of people began running the opposite direction, and froze. I had no idea what they were running from.

Then, I came face to face with a death eater.

The crowds had cleared and I was alone with a murderer. The death eater scanned my frame with his eyes, "Hello, dearie. Come out to play at the wrong time, have we?"

My pulse quickened and I did the only thing I thought could keep me alive.

I ran.

I sprinted in the other direction, hoping the death eater would not follow. But, between my heavy breaths, I could hear his steady footsteps increasing speed behind me.

"You have nowhere to go, girl! Why don't you just give up and let the Dark Lord have you?"

I kept running while thinking of possible spells I could cast to shake him off my trail. I turned my head and pointed my wand while running away, and whispered, "Stupefy!"

But nothing happened. I was so out of breathe that I couldn't even cast a spell! My only option was to keep running. "What's the matter, girlie? Having trouble in your panic?"

The death eater cackled as he ran after me, clearly enjoying the chase.

I ran through a thicket of foliage, and dodged pitched tents. I had to hide! There was no way I could outrun him! Suddenly, I stumbled over some abandoned luggage. I fell to the dirt with a thud. Quivering, I struggled to get back on my feet.

I turned to see that the death eater was 20 feet away from me now. He raised his wand, and I prepared to scream. The death eater began, "Cruci-," but he never finished the cruciatus curse.

Another voice to my left spoke quickly and firmly, "Stupefy!"

The death eater fell to the floor before my eyes. I turned to my left and met the steely gaze of Draco Malfoy. I sucked in a gulp of much needed oxygen, "Malfoy!"

He lowered his wand and made his way toward me. Tears leaked from my eyes and my body continued to shake violently from shock.

I went into a panic once again, suddenly aware of Draco's unusual luck at having been my rescuer. 'Is he WITH THEM?' I shook violently as the tears streamed down my cheeks. 'What the hell is going on?'

Draco made a move to approach me, and I took a step backward, mimicking his movements exactly. He met my gaze steadily, "I'm not going to hurt you, stupid girl! I just saved your life and I-"

I cut him off, "Are you WITH THEM?"

He dropped his gaze from mine, choosing to remain silent.

When he didn't answer, I sucked in a short breath, "Holy shit."

Draco narrowed his eyes, "It's more complicated than that! You don't know-"

"Oh really?" I challenged.

Draco met my accusatory expression with his own ice cold eyes. He scoffed at me, "You know nothing! Don't pretend that you suddenly do!"

I didn't back down from him, just kept my eyes steady as we stood in a stalemate.

I became uncomfortable with his eyes on me, and broke the silence, " How did you find me?

"I saw you running from far off, and followed you."

I nodded curtly, "Thank you."

Draco scoffed at my sparse thankfulness for his good deed: saving my life. He sighed in exasperation, "Where is the Weasley portkey?"

I scowled in confusion, "Why do you need to know?"

"I'm escorting you home, YOUR HIGHNESS."

I set my jaw, lips forming a thin line at his harsh words. I nearly spat out the words, "I don't need any more assistance from you, Malfoy."

Turning on my heels, I began walking in the direction I had come from. Draco made a disgusting grunt of a noise behind me, as if her were making certain I knew he was displeased with my defiance. Before I knew it, he was on my heels. His hand was on my shoulder, spinning me around violently to face him, "Listen here, Hart. Now is not the time to be stubborn! The camp is crawling with death eaters. When I selflessly offer to see you back safely, you better believe I'm not doing it for the pleasure of your company!"

His statement threw me. Was he…concerned?

I set my jaw high, determined not to let him see his words had affected me. "Fine. But don't think I won't curse the hell out of you if you try anything funny."

Draco seemed content with that answer, and we continued walking in the direction I had sought to go before he had suddenly stopped me. We had been walking for about ten minutes in silence, weaving through the deserted camp. Heavy fog rolled over the grass, and the dark mark hung ruthlessly in the sky. Flashes of blue light resounded to our left, and Draco suddenly pushed me forward with urgency, "Go! They're close."

We ran deeper through the camp, sprinting past the wreckage that had once been the place of so much celebration. I barely felt my exhaustion, but knew my energy was quickly draining. I had never been an athlete, and the only thing keeping me going was my adrenaline. Draco seemed to realize I wasn't quick on my feet, and he took to running closely behind me. Every so often he would turn around to make sure no one was following.

I nearly collapsed in a fit of oxygen-deprived huffs when we reached the outer rim of the woods where Mr. Weasley had left the old boot as a Portkey. Stopping to catch my breath quickly, I stumbled through the grass and tree roots to find the boot. I found it quickly, careful not to touch it until I was ready.

Draco was watching me steadily, breathing rapidly to restore regularity after the long sprint. Not knowing what to say, I asked, "What will you do?"

He shrugged, "Return to my father's portkey."

"What about the death eaters?"

Draco didn't meet my gaze, "Don't worry about the death eaters. They won't touch me."

Before this moment, I had always been suspicious that Draco's family was involved with Voldemort, but now I was certain. Death eaters wouldn't bother Draco because they were ordered not to harm him. However, the fact that Draco had gone out of his way to hurt a death eater for my sake confirmed that he might not be completely evil. No matter what he has done in the past, Draco Malfoy saved my life. I have every reason in the world to believe that beneath his tough exterior is someone that I can rely on. He may bury it deeply, but perhaps that is just a defense mechanism…a way of staying alive in the midst of… death eaters. The thought hit me like a wrecking ball.

Draco shifted his attention to the campground bellow where the shrill laugh of Bellatrix Lestrange could be heard. His eyes narrowed as the sound grew closer, "You should go quickly."

Alarmed, I reached for the portkey, ready to apparate. But something stopped me. It was the realization that I was leaving Draco behind. Not 'Malfoy', but Draco. There was more to him than I had realized. His tough exterior was just an act, one he put up to accommodate for the danger of his circumstances. I looked up at Draco then, he hadn't made any attempt to move from his spot. "You aren't like them, are you."

It was a statement, not a question… one I was nearly certain about. In that moment I knew I had judged him too harshly.

Draco smirked but his voice was insistent, "Go, Alice!"

Obliging him, I touched the portkey and apparated to safety.

Upon reaching the Weasley's burrow, they fired questions at me. When they asked me what happened, I said, "I was chased by a death eater until someone saved me."

Hermione's eyebrows furrowed, "Who saved you, Alice?"

I smiled up at her, "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

The name that would haunt me, encourage me, save me, break me, leave me, defend me, love me… Draco Malfoy.


	2. Chapter 2

~Chapter 2: Unreachable~

Year 4:

As it turns out, they did believe me. They were shocked, but they knew I was telling the truth. Draco Malfoy saved my life protecting me from the Death Eater. The Draco I had previously envisioned was nothing like the Draco that saved me. The part of Draco that I alone had seen was protective and… dare I say, kind. He had been willing to put himself in jeopardy to protect me. I could only wonder how Draco would act towards me upon our return to Hogwarts.

The next time I saw Draco was in the Dining Hall during the sorting of the first years. He was sitting at the Slytherin table with his friends. If he noticed I was watching him, he pretended not to. A part of me wanted him to have some sort of reaction to my presence. His lack of recognition set me in an agitated mood.

At the time, I was both agitated with Draco for not recognizing our shared experience, and agitated with myself for wishing he would. But something about fighting the dark forces of he-who-must-not-be-named together seemed like it would form some sort of bond between us! He _had_ attacked a death eater in my defense! But Draco's situation was, as he put it, "complicated". At this point I had no idea whether he was actually trustworthy or if he had merely helped me on a whim.

Professor Dumbledore interrupted my confused thoughts when he announced the Triwizard Tournament. He then went on to explain that we would be hosting two other magical schools. One school was from France, and the other from Romania. The procession went by in a blur as the girls from Beauxbatons and the boys of Durmstrang were introduced. I hardly noticed the reactions of the boys when the Beauxbatons girls curtsied or the way Cho swooned as the Durmstrang boys marched in. I was to busy seething in frustration.

'Who does he think he is?

Why won't he even look my way?

Why the HELL do I want him to? He's MALFOY…

But I thought the fact that he SAVED MY ASS would mean something to him!'

I continued my rage of silent emotional banter as the Beauxbaton girls and Durmstrang boys were sitting down. I jumped when one boy from Durmstrang approached me from behind. The boy tapped my shoulder to gain my attention, and I whirled around in my seat. I was a bit startled to see he had practically stopped the entire procession of Durmstrang boys to simply tap me on the shoulder. Then, he simply bowed low and presented me with a single white daisy. I smiled awkwardly and took the flower with hesitant hands. He took my hand as I made to pull it away from him. The boy surprised me by pressing his lips to the back of my hand in what I perceived to be a not-so-innocent kiss. Scarlet covered the majority of my features as I registered the boy's actions. I avoided his cool green gaze.

Before letting go of my hand he introduced himself, "I am Demitri Arzumanov."

I smiled politely, trying to ignore his "yes-I-know-I'm-the-shit-attitude", "Alice Hart. Welcome to Hogwarts, Mr. Arzumanov."

He chuckled, "Please, just Demitri is fine. We will talk after the speech."

The way he spoke with such a seductive tone made my skin crawl. I was relieved beyond belief when he released my hand and turned to stalk towards the Durmstrang table.

Looking around, I noticed that one girl from each house table had received a flower. Why I had been chosen as the representative from Ravenclaw was beyond me. Cho and some of the other girls began squealing and excitedly asking me questions. I told them I had not been expecting to be "accosted" and they should calm down.

Suddenly, the thought hit me. What would Draco think of the spectacle?

My gaze traveled to the Slytherin table. One of the other Slytherin girls had received a Cali lily, but Draco was not watching her. His gaze was fixed on me. I met his eyes and gave him a halfhearted smile, then motioned toward my daisy with a shrug. Draco's eyes narrowed and he turned away from me as if he were completely disgusted.

Overreaction much?

Despite the juvenile way he disregarded me, I realized a negative reaction was better than no reaction. I averted my gaze to focus on the meal that had been prepared.

Once Professor Dumbledore had dismissed us, Demitri promptly interrupted me from quietly exiting the hall. "May I walk you to your common room, Miss Hart?"

"Uh-well, you see, I-" I stumbled on my words, trying to find some way to excuse my declination of his request.

Someone cleared their throat loudly behind me, and I stopped stuttering through an excuse. Draco's husky voice cut through the tension in the atmosphere, "I'm afraid your services are not needed here. Alice already agreed to walk back with me."

I looked up at Draco. His eyes were stern and commanding. His voice may have been light, but the underlying message was clear in his eyes. Draco was warning Demitri to stop advancing on me.

The two boys were locked in a death glare so intense that the room could have caught on fire. Demitri answered sternly, "I believe Miss Hart has a right to decide who accompanies her."

Draco looked down at me, as if he was unsure what my decision would be. I turned to Demitri and calmly explained, "I'm sorry, Demitri. You are very kind to offer, but Draco's right. We have a lot of catching up to do after the long break, and I'd really prefer to keep my promise. Perhaps I will be able to talk with you later."

I was lying through my teeth, and Arzumanov didn't seem to be blind to that. I had always been a horrible liar.

He nodded sullenly, but swallowed his defeat gracefully, "Perhaps I will ask again later."

I smiled, "Of course."

Draco offered his arm to me and I took it gratefully. He lead me away from the Ravenclaw table and out into the castle halls.

"Thank you for helping me. I honestly had no idea that was going to happen."

"Pansy Parkinson knew about the flowers. She was really upset when she didn't get one." Draco said.

"Why would she be upset?"

"Pansy found out that those Durmstrang boys were supposed to present a flower to one girl in each house." Draco replied.

"And why did I get one?"

"He must have fancied you." Draco muttered almost inaudibly.

I was too flabbergasted to say anything in return and silence enveloped us.

Finally, Draco said, "Do you still have that flower?"

I nodded and held out the daisy. Draco snatched it from me and promptly threw it out the hallway window. I gasped, leaping towards the window to watch as the daisy floated down the side of the castle. "Damn flower," Draco growled.

My mouth gaped open in exasperation, "Draco Malfoy! What was that for? You just threw my flower OUT THE WINDOW!"

Draco shrugged, "What does it matter? You didn't like him anyways."

"So what if I didn't like him! I don't even know him! I was going to press that flower between my old book!" I exclaimed.

Draco looked over at me, "I'll get you another flower. Then you won't have to look at a flower from some random Romanian boy."

"I don't understand why it bothers you so much where the flower came from! Why are you suddenly so concerned about what's going on in my life?"

Draco's eyes narrowed, "You don't know?"

This caught me off guard. I didn't quite know what to say so I repeated my statement from earlier. This time I repeated it with more affirmation, "No, I don't understand."

We were in front of the Ravenclaw staircase now, so Draco stopped me. He leaned toward me, and I backed away until I was against the railing of the stairs. Draco placed one hand on either side of me while grasping the banister. His face was inches from mine and I could feel his breathe on my face as he spoke, "You're the Ravenclaw, you tell me."

Draco had me trapped between his arms without actually touching me. I could have easily ducked under him, had I not been weak kneed and starry-eyed. I was literally melting in place and I couldn't bring myself to answer his question. I was afraid to respond because I feared I already knew the answer; and I wasn't ready for it.

My pulse was racing and my breathing was labored. Draco noticed the effect he hand on me and smirked knowingly. "Let me know when you figure it out."

Draco released me and backed away, leaving me to stare after him as he descended the stairs.

'WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED. Did DRACO FUCKING MALFOY JUST-' I couldn't even bring myself to think the words. I didn't know Draco well at that time. He had always been an ever present annoyance, meant to cause trouble for Harry and my other friends in the halls of Hogwarts. 'How could he suggest that he cares about me when… Well- he DID save me from a death eater. Did he go out of his way to do that because he thinks that he cares about me? How can he know that? What does he even mean by that? Does he even mean that? What does that mean for me? What does that mean for him? I'm just-,' my thoughts circled round. There was no true explanation for any of this, not without Draco's confirmation of… well, a lot of things.

I was excited when Dumbledore announced there would be a Yule Ball in honor of the tournament. I suspected Draco would ask me to go with him and he would finally explain the mixed signals I had been getting from him.

Around that time, he completely ignored me in the halls and avoided my gaze during meals.

But didn't he want me to tell him I knew? I had some sort of understanding at that time, however flawed it was.

Or was he just lying to me? Playing games….

I was so convinced he was at least interested in FRIENDSHIP with me. Most definitely not a relationship that involved- nothing!

Then I heard the rumors. Draco Malfoy was going to the Yule Ball with none other than Pansy Parkinson.

I heard the news after dinner and chose to wait for Draco outside the Dining Hall entrance. Draco finally exited, and I called for him. He turned to look at me, and that's when I noticed Pansy Parkinson clinging to his arm.

My hope shattered into a million pieces.

I was barely able to form coherent words, "I need to talk to you."

Draco nodded and said something to Pansy I didn't bother making out, then walked over to my section of the hallway. He asked a little too gruffly for my vulnerable state, "Yes?"

I got straight to the point, ignoring his prickly nature, "Pansy Parkinson?"

Draco met my eyes. He could tell I was in pain, and it hurt him too, but he masked it well. Nodding to my question he asked, "You figured out why I threw the flower out the window?"

"I thought I had," I motioned toward Pansy, "but I was obviously wrong."

Draco shook his head, clicking his tongue in disappointment, "Stupid girl. You assume too much. Think harder."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" My words seethed back at him.

Draco met my eyes with a steel gaze. But when he saw the tension in my face and the set of jaw, his face softened. "It means, Alice, that you don't know the full story. Don't let a petty dance fog your reasoning."

I shook my head, clearly frustrated, "I don't understand! What is going on? Why won't you tell me?"

I was growing impatient and sobs were beginning to take over. Realizing I was going over an emotional edge, Draco pushed me further down the hall. Fewer students traveled here and we were less likely to be over heard. He let his hand linger on my shoulder, as if to shun away the sobs that were taking over. I was so confused. Did he care about me? Was he working for the Dark Lord? Could I trust him? Who was he really?

His voice came out low and soft, "Hey now, you need to trust me. If there is one thing in this mess you need to do, it is trust me."

"How can I trust you when you want Parkinson?" I spat.

Draco's voice lowered into a gravelly whisper, "I'm doing this for you, Alice."

I was appalled. How could he say something like that? "Liar! How can this be for me?"

Draco shut is eyes and breathed in slowly. Once he opened them he said, "It's not safe to be around me right now."

"But it's safe for _her?_" I gasped between ragged breaths.

"Yes," his answer hit me like a freight train. I shoved him roughly, making an attempt to get the hell away from the conversation.

Draco raised his voice then, calling back to me, "Hey, you don't understand! Alice, breathe! Just think about it. The Parkinson's have connections to some dangerous people… connections that you lack…"

I stopped in my tracks, not daring to turn to him. He had just confirmed that he was mixed up in some dangerous shit… and apparently so was Pansy Parkinson?

Draco continued when she didn't answer, "I won't bring you into this. It would put you and your family in danger."

My family… My mother- working diligently as a trainer for the ministry of magic.. And my younger sister Cosette, what would become of them? Was I toeing a dangerous line just TALKING to Draco Malfoy?

And Draco's family…

I summoned my courage, choosing to ask the fateful question without turning to meet his prying eyes, "What about your family?"

Draco's eyes furrowed, "It is not safe to speak of this, Alice. My family is in as much danger as I am, that is all I can tell you."

I pivoted on my heel then, turning to see him, "How long?"

Draco did not falter from my eye contact, "Too long."

"No. I mean, how long will this go on."

He looked confused by my question, as if he had never really considered a world where freedom truly existed beyond darkness and terror. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. His voice was soft, almost inaudible, "I suppose… there will be a war. I don't know when, but I know that it will happen. And then we will find out if the danger will continue."

My heart raced at the idea of a war. Between who exactly? The Dark Lord and… the Ministry of Magic? I didn't know.

When I didn't reply to the idea of a war, Draco continued, "If it's safe, I'll find you."

I was shocked out of my daze, "You'll… find me?"

Draco nodded in affirmation, his expression serious.

I let out a soft chuckle, "How ominous."

Draco smirked, the joke bringing mirth to his eyes.

During my forth year, I nearly found love but never grasped it. Then, I decided to wait for it. Am I a fool for devoting myself to someone who won't be able to commit for a long time? It could take years…. Decades even….

I ended up going to the Yule Ball with Demitri Arzumanov. He was the perfect gentleman, but he was not Draco.

Cho was devastated when Cedric Digory died, and we cried together. Because for me, love was just as unattainable for me with Draco as it was for Cho with Cedric.


	3. Chapter 3

Hello! I have been editing and reviewing chapters, so I hope you don't mind the changes. Also, as a side note, I would like to say the way Alice narrates her first 7 years at Hogwarts may seem strange. I realize this, and I did it on purpose. It's meant to be Alice's future self looking back on her years at Hogwarts and explaining how she got to the place she is at now.

I really do love reviews, but keep in mind that I write for myself- not for you. I'm selfish that way. Happy reading. :)

~Chapter 3: Forever, For Never~

I had never fully grasped the concept of how Draco had come to know me well enough to realize he was…fond-if that was the right word at the time- of me. Perhaps he had watched me from afar in the dining commons with my friends and… envied them? The idea of it seemed ridiculous, but I could hardly understand how Draco would know of my personality traits otherwise. How else would he know he wanted to be more than friends with me, or even friends with me, if he had not watched me interact with others…?

It was years later that I found the courage ask him how. Perhaps when I was younger I simply wanted to believe and to trust that Draco really loved me, despite not knowing the basis for his claims. I wanted to believe in the boy I saw just before apparated to the Burrow with the Weasley's old boot. I believed he was genuine, and I knew he had to have some reason for his claims.

But our time together was few and far between- not to mention brief. There was little time to discuss the history behind his feelings. I had only the time to ponder it in the darkness of my shared dormitory.

Later he would tell me of how his Mother had taken ill during one of the annual parent trips to Hogsmead. Madame Pomfrey had been sent for, and I along with her. Together, we had tended to Mrs. Malfoy's flu with a ready-made potion and some comfort measures. I had not known that it was Draco's mother at the time, addressing the woman only as Narcissa. After she had recovered, Mrs. Malfoy had talked Draco's ear off about how wonderful Madame Pomfrey was with her healing arts and how generous she was to take on a doting student. Draco had been intrigued to discover the small details left for his mother by the student: tea bags, antiemetic potions, hot stew, ear plugs, a pleasurable reading book called "Every Witch's 10 Do's and Don'ts".

Upon discovering that the student was actually me, Draco admitted he began to pay me far more attention. He even explained that teasing me had been a simple way to get my attention and interact without arousing suspicion. He had never been overly cruel to me, only playing the part to fit into the mold he had created for himself.

But truthfully, as soon as he had taken notice of me, he had liked me.

Year 5:

Fifth year, I road a Hippogriff chariot into Hogwarts. I also became better acquainted with Luna Lovegood, who I believed to be an odd but tremendously sweet girl.

Once Harry began the secret training in the room of requirement, I threw myself into the lessons and put my all into every practice. My skills improved with every DA meeting, and it distracted me from Draco.

Professor Umbrige was a royal pain. Her new school rules were uncalled for and unreasonable. I cried when she fired Professor Trelawney.

My best friend Cho kissed Harry after a DA meeting. She was confused because she liked Harry but also felt like she was betraying Cedric. I listened to everything she had to say and let her cry in my lap for days.

Cho's emotional instability was taken advantage of when Umbrige interrogated her about Dumbledore's Army.

We were practicing duels when Umbrige and her cronies burst in and caught us in the act. Draco was among the Slytherins who helped herd all of the members of the DA. When he noticed I was among them, his expression changed, but he grabbed me himself.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I don't want Crab or Goyle handling you roughly." Draco responded.

"Oh, but you'll gladly do it yourself!" I spat.

"Just cooperate." Draco sighed.

Umbrige gave all members of the DA a strict detention. The words we wrote on our papers were blood red, and an invisible knife cut the words into our skin. We wrote our punishment in our own blood.

I was angry with Draco and in pain from detention when I stumbled upon him in the hall. He noticed I was clutching my left hand. "What happened? What's wrong with your hand?"

He reached out to grab my arm, but I slapped his hand away. "Don't touch me!"

"Alice, I just want to help." Draco spoke softly.

"All you've ever done is complicate my life! You should have just let that Death Eater torture me to death! I hate you, Draco Malfoy!"

I turned to leave, but Draco was quicker. He grabbed my arm and led me toward a deserted hallway. I struggled in his grasp, but he was too strong for me-and I was not fully committed to leaving him for good.

Draco led me toward a corner of the hall, pressing me toward the wall. He wasn't particularly gentle, and it scared me.

"What are you doing?"

Draco looked torn, "Just listen to me, please. I never meant to hurt you. In fact, I'm trying to PROTECT you!"

"That sure did me a load of good, didn't it?" I motioned toward my injured hand.

Draco clutched my wrist and brought my hand to his eye-level. Pain colored his usually placid face. He stroked his fingers over the newly- cut scars. "I'm so sorry, Alice. I wish things were different. I wish-."

I cut him off, "You can't change what's already happened."

Draco nodded solemnly, but his eyes looked as though they were filling with tears. "If we lived in a world where the Dark Lord didn't exist, I would court you properly."

"COURT me?" I spluttered. "It's the 20th century, Draco."

Draco smirked at this, "Fine, I would DATE you. I would treat you like the respectable lady you are and…I would have-."

"Would have what?"

Draco met my eyes, "I would have kissed you by now."

Silence ensued and I just watched him with an expression of shock. Finally, I became curious and built up the courage to ask, "How?"

Draco chuckled, ready to play my game, "Lets say, forth year?"

I nodded in response as he continued, "We were at the lake and I was teaching you how to skip rocks on the surface of the water. You failed over and over, but I never gave up on you. I held your wrist and lead you through the correct motions. You looked up at me once, smiling. You were so close I couldn't resist. And that's how it happened."

I let the fantasy seep in and fill my entire soul. I needed this, this sweet dream. If I was going to continue to hope, I needed him to give me a reason to do so.

Draco looked down on me as he registered my complete and utter pleasure at the story. His expression grew dark, "But it didn't happen."

I looked up at him, searching his eyes for an explanation. Was he giving up on us- on me? After giving me a taste of the life we could have had in peace? That was cruel.

Draco backed up, leaving a good foot of space between us. "This can't happen, Alice. I'm sorry."

With that said he took off down the hallway in the direction of the dungeons with hurried steps. My eyes trailed after him, but they betrayed me when my vision blurred with tears.

Year 6:

Sixth year, I was on the Hogwarts Express with Harry, Ron, and Hermione when they told me about how they had followed Draco and a few Death Eaters into Diagon Alley. Harry adamantly believed Draco was already a Death Eater and warned me to be cautious around him.

"You don't have to worry, Harry. I don't plan on speaking to him."

On the way to the castle, we couldn't find Harry in the crowd and were forced to go on without him. The next time I saw Harry, he walked right up to me in the Dining Hall. His nose was broken and blood oozed down his shirt. I stood up frantically, "Harry! What happened to you?"

"Your ex-boyfriend got a little frisky." Harry responded sarcastically.

Alarmed, I looked over to where Draco sat. He was smirking at me like he was proud of his work rearranging Harry's face. I glared at him, and turned to Harry. "I'll fix it. Madame Pomfrey showed me how fourth year."

I raised my wand and Harry backed away, "Whoa! Wait a second. Is this going to hurt?"

"Not as much as Malfoy's fist in your face, but yes. It will hurt." I answered.

"Actually, it was his foot. But, hey. He's not Draco anymore? I thought you preferred his first name."

I raised my wand again, "We aren't currently on a first name basis."

I quickly cast the spell to reset Harry's nose, and he yelped in pain. This made Draco and his buddies laugh. Harry rolled his eyes while I handed him a napkin for his bleeding nose.

As Harry began dabbing the blood with the napkin, I thought up a way to get back at Draco. Here and now, I was going to do something reckless.

"Harry-." I said. He looked at me. "Hold still, ok?"

Then I leaned in and kissed Harry on the cheek. Right in front of Draco, the boy that broke me heart.

Harry looked at me like I was crazy, but I ignored his reaction and looked straight at Draco. Draco was absolutely bubbling with rage. That meant I won.

Later in the year, Ron began telling me that Harry was absolutely obsessed with "tracking Malfoy's every move". I didn't realize how serious it was until I saw Harry burst out of the old girls' lavatory and sprint down the hall.

I quickened my pace and entered the girls' lavatory. Professor Snape was standing over the body of a boy with innumerable scarlet slashes across his body. I gasped when I realized who it was, and whispered, "Draco!"

Professor Snape looked up at me and said, "Close the door, Miss Hart. I can see there is no getting rid of you."

I closed the door quietly and walked toward the pair of Slytherins quickly. My voice quivered, "What happened to him?"

Draco's breathing was faltering and he was very still. He turned his head slightly toward the sound of my voice. Draco let out a hoarse whisper, "Alice?"

I took a step forward to go to him, but Professor Snape stopped me with one long arm. Snape intervened, "I need to heal him, Miss Hart. You may go to him when he is no longer bleeding on the floor."

Professor Snape began mumbling an incantation I didn't recognize. As he crouched down near Draco, the blood began to flow back into Draco's body and his wounds began to heal. I stood in awe as the blood disappeared, leaving Draco shaken but no longer injured.

The first words out of Draco's mouth were, "Alice? Please-."

My heart ached for him, but I felt I needed to ask permission, "Professor?"

Professor Snape nodded his approval, and I went straight to Draco's side. "Hey now, I'm right here. You're fine, see? No more blood."

Draco lifted his hand toward me, and I took it. The floor was covered in water and my skirt was ruined, "My robes are filthy because of you."

Draco smiled, "Rather you be here than with Potter. He tried to kill me."

Professor Snape interrupted, "Draco, she should not be involved. You must leave her."

Draco retaliated, "For your information, Professor. I cut off all communication with her last year. And we have never technically been together. You have nothing to worry about."

Professor Snape looked at us skeptically, "You are clearly associated with her, Draco. She will be in danger if you continue this."

Draco covered his eyes with his other hand, and squeezed my hand softly. He sighed, "How long must I give up everything that is important to me?"

Professor Snape replied sternly, "You know that present circumstances are not ideal for fostering relationships."

Draco removed his hand from his face, "I have to wait until the end, then."

I looked down on Draco's withered expression. He met my eyes, "The deal still stands, then?"

My eyes narrowed, "Are you asking me to continue waiting until the war is over?"

Draco looked concerned, "That's always been my promise to you."

I shook my head, "Draco, because of you, I have the words of Professor Umbrige forever scarred onto my hand! How can I trust you if all you do is put me in danger?"

Draco met my gaze, "Until this is all over, you can't."

My face grew into a scowl, "You're right, Draco. I obviously can't. Not now, not ever."

I stood up fiercely and stormed out into the hall toward the Ravenclaw common room drenched in water and without any hope of a rekindled romance. Looking back, I realize now that I acted rashly. I was frustrated with Draco for not committing to me. I wanted him to choose me over He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. But that would have put him, myself, and our families, all in danger.

Headmaster Dumbledore was murdered later that year. The dark mark had been cast in the sky, and Death Eaters prowled the grounds.

The end of my sixth year was lonely and cold, but I would return in the fall.


	4. Chapter 4

~Chapter 4: What Stands Between Us~

Year 7:

Seventh year was chaotic. Professor Snape was nominated our new Headmaster, and Death Eaters roamed the halls freely. Dementors frequented the grounds within the castle walls, and no one was totally safe.

The new rules Headmaster Snape enforced confirmed my beliefs that he was, in fact, working for Lord Voldemort. Voldemort had control of everything. Including Hogwarts, Beauxbatons, and the Ministry.

Many students at Hogwarts retreated to their homes because the school was no longer a safe sanctuary. Cho was among them.

I continued my education in the hopes of completing my courses and receiving enough credits to enter the Medical Magic Institution at the Ministry. But that could only happen if peace returned, and I still had hope that it would.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione never came back to school that year. Knowing Harry, I suspected that they were hunting down Lord Voldemort. I received a letter from Ginny and the other Weasley's early in the year. Death Eaters had attacked the family at the Wedding of Ron's brother, Charlie. They suffered casualties, but wouldn't specify who had been lost for fear that I may do something rash. I suspected they wanted to avoid my suspension from Hogwarts, because they wanted to support my pursuit of an education in the medical field. Whatever the reason was, I wish they had told me who had died. It only made me more paranoid not to know.

The letter also mentioned that Harry, Ron, and Hermione had escaped during the commotion. Their whereabouts were unknown. The news devastated and enraged me. My emotions went out of whack and without Cho there to help me calm down, I completely lost it.

'How could they keep such vital information from me?

Did they really think I would remain calm in a situation like this?

I had a right to know!

Had I not trained with them as a member of the DA?

Why would they even send me a letter if they weren't inclined to spill the details!

Who the hell was actually alive?

How could they think it best to keep that from me? What the actual frick!'

I barreled down the halls from the owelry where I had received my letter to the entrance of the Slytherin dungeons. A small second year boy was about to enter the common room when I stopped him, "Wait! You there! Get me Draco Malfoy! Tell him it's important and I can't wait!"

The second year nodded vigorously and scrambled inside, leaving me alone with my turmoil of emotions.

I didn't have to wait long. Draco exited the common room a few minutes later, "Hey, you ARE out here. I thought maybe Stevie was teasing me."

At the sight of him, my teeth clenched and my eyes watered. A lump gathered in my throat and it was hard to breathe. I was suffocating under all the pressure.

Draco grew concerned, "What's wrong? Did something happen? Has someone hurt you?"

He approached me cautiously, and I didn't back away. I managed to sob through my clenched teeth, "I should hex you where you stand, Draco Malfoy."

Draco looked confused, "This is about me?"

I nodded fiercely, "Isn't it ALWAYS about you?"

Draco came closer and I allowed him to envelop me in his embrace. I shook with anger and frustration. "They're dead, Draco! All dead! Because of this stupid war!"

"Who's dead? What happened?"

I sobbed again, "They won't tell me!"

"Who?"

"The Weasley's! Someone died but they won't tell me who! Cedric died in that damn tournament for NO REASON! Dumbledore died because of Voldemort's vendetta against Harry! How many more have to die? When will it end? I can't stand it any longer!" I sobbed.

Draco crooned in my ear, "It'll be alright, Alice. Don't cry. You're safe here."

"Safe?" I bellowed in exasperation. "How can I possibly be safe?"

I shook Draco off me and backed away from him. "You're the one that I should be afraid of! You're helping them create this chaos, Draco! You made this happen! I'll never be safe with you! Never!"

Draco looked stunned, but spoke quietly, "Calm down Alice, you don't need to do this."

He reached out a hand to touch my arm, and I immediately grabbed for his wrist. He didn't pull away, but his gaze hardened. He knew what I intended to do. I was going to search for the mark of the Dark Lord…. The Dark Mark.

Draco shook his head, "It's easier if you don't know the truth, Alice. Just let it be."

I screamed back, "No! I need to know, Draco! I just have to know!"

I fumbled with the button on his sleeve with shaking hands, cursing my actions, "Is this even the right arm? Rowena! I don't even know what I'm doing..."

Draco didn't answer me with words. He just held his wrist up a bit higher in my direction, indicating that I had the correct arm. There would be no more secrets.

Slowly, my fingers began to trace the length of skin that separated Draco's wrist from his forearm. I focused my attention on my task, not daring to face him, as I pushed back the sleeve. Draco stiffened when my fingers glided over a particular patch of skin, and I met his eyes. He was watching me carefully, analyzing whether I would falter away from the darkness that marked him. I answered the question in his eyes with a continuation of my task, and turned the last bit of cloth up his arm. My actions revealed an inky blotch of an image, weaving a sinister pattern around itself.

I had found what I was looking for.

My breath caught in my throat, and tears built up in my eyes only to spill over and trickle down my cheeks.

We were silent for a long time. Draco's eyes were on mine, and my eyes were on the dark mark. It swirled in my vision and blurred my thoughts. My sobs turned into gasps and then small hiccups.

Draco just watched me cry. He held his arm out for me to continue looking at his mark as I cried uncontrollably. We continued like that for a long time until I calmed down. My crying lowered to short gasps.

I managed a sentence between gasps, "I can't believe- gasp- this actually happened!"

Draco lowered his arm and covered the dark mark. "You know I don't have a choice. I had to do this to stay alive."

I looked up at him for the first time since I started crying. "So, the reason –gasp- there's never any Death Eaters roaming these halls is –gasp- because you're always here?"

Draco hesitated before nodding, "I'm constantly on duty. The job never ends."

"Does that mean you're still a Death Eater right now? Even though you're with me?"

Draco squirmed, "I can't change what I am, Alice. Not even for you."

I nodded once and looked away, clearly hurt. "You know, Draco." I began, "You're really stupid if you think I am going to wait for you after all this."

Draco shifted his weight uncomfortably from one foot to the other, "You won't wait?"

"I can't sit back and put my life on hold for someone who might not even survive to see the end of the war! Especially not a DEATH EATER!" I exclaimed harshly.

Draco looked taken aback. His expression became concerned and he spoke with renewed coldness, "Regardless of your decision, Miss Hart, it would be wise for me to walk you back to the Ravenclaw common room."

He was speaking so formally now that I almost couldn't believe I was still talking to Draco Malfoy. "Thank you," I whispered. The words were almost inaudible.

Draco walked me to the Ravenclaw wing of the castle, where one of the other Death Eaters was on patrol.

The other Death Eater spoke with a snarl, "I didn't know you were one to favor women outside of the Dark Lord's circle."

Draco smirked in reply, "Only escorting. But you better steer clear of her. She's been claimed."

The other Death Eater chuckled, "Lets just hope she's cooperative."

Draco kept one hand on the small of my back as he pushed me forward slowly. It was clear he wanted me away from the other Death Eater, and it made me nervous.

"Draco?" I chocked out a whisper.

He grunted in reply, so I continued, "Why are we rushing?"

Draco took a moment to reply, "I won't lie to you, Alice. Stay away from that Death Eater. He's known for hexing women into unconsciousness, raping them, and torturing them to death when they wake up."

My eyes widened and I began to shake. Draco noticed and grabbed my hand with his own. Stroking the back of my hand he said, " I'll always be here for you. No matter your choice."

We had reached the common room entrance, and Draco brought my hand to his lips. He kissed my hand gently while gazing intently down at me. It was nothing like Demitri Arzumanov's kiss in the dining hall, this was far different. Draco's every move screamed that he loved me, and I was rejecting him.

Draco let me go reluctantly, and backed away from me. "I won't go until you're safely inside, don't worry."

Draco vanished into the darkness, and I was left to answer the riddle that would open my door to safety.

The portrait yawned when I woke him and said the riddle quickly, "If you break me I do not stop working, If you touch me I may be snared, If you lose me nothing will matter."

I almost started crying again as I chocked out the answer that was so obvious to me, "Your heart."

The door opened and I peered into the darkness one last time before entering.

Draco ignored my presence at school vigorously. On the few occasions when we crossed paths, he would nod without a word and continue on his way. It appeared as though Draco really had moved on.

During these awkward moments, my exterior was calm and I put on a good performance. But on the inside I was whimpering with pain. I wondered whether Draco was experiencing what I felt, or if he was numb to the pain. I briefly wondered if the Dark Mark had the ability to suck the emotion from Draco's heart.

During meals, when I usually saw Draco from afar, I began noticing that he would disappear for weeks on end. Those were the days I was most on edge, because I had an idea what he was doing.

Draco had told me that being a Death Eater had its responsibilities and I could only assume that this was what he was doing while away. I would often lie awake for hours wondering where he was at that moment.

If Draco was hurt, would I be able to tell?

If he died, would I know right away?

I had to believe that no matter his physical condition, I lost him the day he received the dark mark.

Once, Draco was gone for three weeks. It was the longest he had ever missed classes. I decided to visit Headmaster Snape in an attempt to gain information about Draco's whereabouts.

Snape told me Draco was well and they had spoken the day before. I asked when he would return, but Snape wouldn't give me a direct answer. I was forced to abandon my queries and return to my dormitory.

The day Draco returned, I noticed him enter the Great Hall. Our eyes locked, and I couldn't hide my relief. It was obvious to Draco I had been worried, and he gave me a small smile.

Before the meal ended, Draco approached me, "I need to speak to you."

I walked with him out of the dining commons and into the hall, where we would not be over heard. Draco spoke first, "Snape told me you were worried."

I met Draco's gaze, my face both guilty and worried. I didn't know how to explain my actions, or my feelings.

Draco sighed and kept speaking, "I shouldn't be talking to you at all. The Dark Lord is a skilled Legilemens and he can penetrate my mind at any time. The less you're around, the less likely he'll realize just how much you mean to me."

My breath caught in my throat. Draco's brow furrowed, "I know that it's impossible for me to keep you safe if you are around me, but I need you to know…" He hesitated before straightening his posture and meeting my gaze full on, "I'm in love with you, and there is no way I could ever intentionally abandon you. No matter what your feelings are now, you need to understand that I will be here for you when the war ends."

Draco was so close to me, I lost all control. His confession threw me for a loop and I was unable to think clearly before acting. I stepped closer to him, and began closing the gap between us.

All of a sudden, Draco stepped back. Without warning, he avoided my oncoming approach and furrowed his brow, closing his eyes tightly. He ran his hand through his hair in frustration, "Don't tempt me, Alice. If I kiss you now, I'll never get it out of my head. I can't let him know about you."

Draco opened his eyes and faced me. His expression pleaded with me. I gave him a sad smile and nodded twice, "I can wait."

Draco didn't talk to me after that incident, but he never ignored my gaze. He would smile at me from across the dining hall, and look away quickly. It was a vast improvement and I was grateful.

No matter how many times I yo-yoed between choosing to wait for him and abandon him completely, I knew I would always crumble in his presence. There was no way I could ever truly give up on us.

A few months later, a vast array of older witches and wizards began flocking to Hogwarts. Many of them were shady characters- clearly familiar with the dark arts- who prowled the campus alert to possible attack. It was as though they were preparing to strike an oncoming predator. It was obvious to me that Voldemort was building an army, and a fight was imminently approaching.

Draco grew tenser during this time. He was usually in a serious mood, and had little patience for Crab and Goyle's jokes. His mood confirmed my beliefs of an attack, and it put me on edge as well. I asked myself the only question that would determine my entire future: When the time came, which side would I choose?


	5. Chapter 5

~Chapter 5: Irrevocable~

Year 7 Continued:

I was in the library late one night, researching the diet needed to rebuild bone marrow after injury, when I heard a creak in the floorboard behind me. I turned quickly, but saw no one. I was certain that I was the only one in the library at such a late hour, and continued reading the book in my hands.

A strong pair of arms suddenly grabbed me. They managed to stifle my scream with their palms. My lamplight fell to the floor with a resounding crash as the shards scattered around. I kicked and struggled, but to no avail. Without warning, my abductor apparated from the library of Hogwarts.

My vision swirled and I felt as if I was on a horrendously frightening roller coaster with too many loops. When the world became somewhat normal to my perception, I was still very dizzy. The room spinning around in my vision was very large and very dark. The ceiling was high and great pillars supported the roof above. There was a dim chandelier twinkling somberly in the corner, and I could tell that I was in an ornately decorated hall.

I almost threw up before the dizziness subsided, but the room stopped spinning after a short time. I was able to stand up straight, though weakly, and observe my environment more closely.

My abductor was no longer by my side, but there were a total of five darkly clad individuals stationed at different sections of the room. I recognized one of them as Bellatrix Lestrange, and another as Fenrhir Greyback. Fenrhir growled menacingly when I looked his way, but a reptilian voice interrupted him. "Hush, Greyback. No need to frighten our guest."

I focused my attention on the source of the voice and my breath immediately caught in my chest. In the center of the room stood an imposingly tall and foreboding figure-Lord Voldemort. His beady orbs stared back at my doe eyes as he spoke, "Alice Hart, the girl who stole the heart of my most precious death eater. I suppose you can guess as to why you are here."

I shrunk back slowly, my fears taking over my actions. My voice was defiantly strong despite my inner dread; "You used your legillemency on Draco."

Voldemort chuckled roughly, "Smart girl. Yes, I used my legillemens abilities on the Malfoy boy. I have been attempting to penetrate his mind for months, but have never found anything…significant….until you."

I looked around the room quickly, searching for the one person that had pervaded my thoughts for the past few years. "Does Draco know?"

Voldemort smirked, "He is very aware that I dug you out of his consciousness. But you see, he is under the impression that, should I want to harm you, I would bring you here. The boy is quite right about location, but my motives are far more elaborate."

"What do you want from me?"

Voldemort continued, "You are holding Draco back. He cannot advance in rank if his true loyalties lie with you and the Potter boy. I am going to use you to unleash the full potential of Draco Malfoy."

My expression became quizzical, and Voldemort smirked in reply. "Allow me show you how. Crucio!"

Voldemort struck me with the cruciatus curse, and pain enveloped my entire being. The pain was unlike anything I had ever felt before, both hot like flames and ice cold, running through my veins. I screamed as warm tears streamed down my face, but the pain didn't stop until the door to the hall swung open and Voldemort released the curse.

I was crumpled on the floor, clutching myself for fear of another onslaught of pain when I heard the voice- HIS voice, "Stop! You can't do this! Leave her alone! She's done nothing wrong!"

Draco was crouched by my side in seconds. He stroked my hair gently, "Shh, I'm here. It won't happen again."

Draco helped me into a sitting position, and I leaned into him. Covering my face in his shirt, I fought the urge to cry. Draco addressed Voldemort, "Why are you doing this? You have my attention now! What is it you need from me?"

Voldemort spoke softly, "I needed to call you down, and I knew the girl's screams would be the most effective way to bring you to me. You see, I wanted you to be here for our little ceremony."

Draco didn't speak, but I could hear his breathing become more labored as his rage grew. Voldemort ignored Draco's mood, "Bring the girl here, Draco, or I will hex her again."

Draco had little choice. He helped me to my feet and led me in the direction of the Dark Lord. I looked up at Voldemort defiantly. He chuckled, "Come now, Miss Hart. Your hostility may be warranted, but you must remember to whom it is directed."

Draco spoke, "What do you want with her?"

Voldemort smirked, "It is simple, Draco. I want her to make the Unbreakable Vow."

Draco recoiled, "Why would Alice need to make a vow with you?"

Voldemort chuckled, "Your loyalties are clearly to the girl. If her loyalties are to me, then so shall yours be."

"No!" Draco stammered, "I won't let you brainwash her opinion. That would changer her entire personality!"

"Ah, I suppose that is true. However, one must make sacrifices to obtain one's goals."

Voldemort reached for my hand, and I recoiled violently. "You can't force me to do anything!"

"I will get what I desire in the end," Voldemort predicted.

Draco interjected, "You want my loyalty. That's your ultimate goal in bringing her here."

Voldemort only nodded once in confirmation, so Draco continued, "Then she doesn't have to make any vow. Let ME make the vow for her."

Voldemort's eyes shone with greed and sudden excitement, "What a wonderful conclusion, Draco. You have made me proud. Narcissa, take the girl from your son."

A woman approached me and lightly touched my arm. Her eyes were ice blue and her face was pale, just like Draco. She spoke softly, "I'm sorry, Alice. You must leave him."

Devastation overwhelmed me, and I turned to Draco, "No! You can't do this! You can't make the unbreakable vow! You'll be his puppet! Please, Draco! You must understand that he knew this would happen all along! His goal was to make you take the vow this entire time! Don't let him do this! We'll never have any hope of being together if you submit! Please!"

Narcissa, Draco's mother, was pulling me back gently. Draco had been holding my hand, but he let it drop. "I've made my decision, Alice. I'm already in too deep. You can still be saved. Let me take the fall for you."

Narcissa lead me backward, away fro Draco, as I watched him turn from me. I was sobbing hysterically, muttering Draco's name quietly. I knew there was no way Draco could be saved from this fate, and I watched as he clenched hands with Voldemort.

Narcissa cooed soothing words into my ear as we watched the vows. I could tell she was holding back tears as best as she could, and it made me cling to her more fervently. Her son was making a vow that would change him forever, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. She was trying to be strong and not show weakness in front of the tyrant that held the fate of her entire family in his cold hands. She would be strong for Draco and support the girl that was so precious to him.

Bellatrix drew the binds around Draco and Voldemort's hands as she spoke the words, "Do you, Draco Malfoy, promise to obey the Dark Lord's commands unwaveringly until death?"

Draco hesitated, "I do."

"And do you promise to be fervently devoted to the Dark Lord's every wish?"

Draco's eyes grew more intense as the gravity of the situation settled in. My heart sank when he replied, and I whimpered softly, "I do."

Bellatrix released the magical binds and Draco let go of Voldemort's hand. Draco turned to look at me, and our eyes met. His gaze shifted, and he called out a warning to me before a death eater covered my mouth and nose with a cloth. The cloth was laced with sedative, and my vision blurred. The last thing I remember before blacking out was Draco calling my name.

I woke up in the Ravenclaw dormitory alone. I was in bed, still dressed in my uniform, and it was almost noon. I began to wonder whether or not I had just dreamt up the unbreakable vow, or if Voldemort had really taken Draco away from me for good.

After washing and making myself presentable, I headed down to the Great Hall for lunch. I figured that if my life had changed for the worse, the only way to find out was to venture out of my room. When I reached my friends at the dining table, they all looked surprised to see me.

One of my roommates explained that they thought I had spent the night in the hospital wing after going to the library. I told them they were right because I didn't know how to explain what I really believed happened to me. The conversation shifted away from me and on to another topic. I was able to catch a glimpse of Draco at the Slytherin table. He met my gaze with a cold glare, and turned away from me with a scowl. My breath caught in my throat and I felt as if I had just received a rough smack to the face. His actions confused me and I didn't understand. Could the unbreakable vow really turn him against me so violently? He regarded me as if I was the scum of the earth.

When lunch was over, I confronted Draco in the hallway. Crabbe and Goyle were trailing after him. I spoke first, "I need to talk to you in private."

Draco spoke bluntly, "Why?"

This threw me off. I had never really needed a reason to talk to him before. But I recovered quickly, "You'll know when I talk to you."

Draco huffed, "Fine."

He trumped down the hall a few feet and growled in my ear when I joined him, "What the hell do you want from me?"

I winced inwardly, "I wasn't to know why you're acting this way."

"I'm not supposed to be around you at all." Draco murmured.

"Why?"

Draco spoke gruffly, "I have orders. You and I both know that I have to obey those orders now."

"You mean you have to obey him because of the vow? Did he also order you to be rude?"

Draco scoffed, "He ordered me to break off all connections with you. And the way I see it, being rude is a good place to start."

"The real Draco would never treat me this way," I interjected.

Draco scowled at the floor, "I am Draco!"

"No, you're not! You're Voldemort's puppet!" I hissed back.

"And whose fault is that?"

My brow furrowed and my eyes stung with tears, "You took the vow to save me."

"Fine lot that turned out to be!" Draco scoffed.

"I'm sorry. You sacrificed your free will for me," I whispered.

"Damn right I did. Now I'm stuck doing the dirty work. No thanks to you," Draco spat.

"I didn't mean for this to happen. I had no control! Please, you have to believe me. I'm so sorry, Draco." I pleaded.

Draco barked back, "It's Malfoy to you, Hart! You're nothing to me. Not now! Not ever!"

Draco turned on his heels and rejoined Crabbe and Goyle. He didn't even turn back to look at me as he walked toward the Slytherin Dungeons.

That was how Draco Malfoy ground my heart into dust, poured salt in my wounds, and walked away with the pieces. The ties between us were broken, and the unbreakable vow had changed him forever.


	6. Chapter 6

Hawk Nelson- everthing you ever wanted

Lose it- Cartel

~ Chapter 6: Revelation~

Year 7 continued:

The next morning I received an urgent Owl from Headmaster Snape. He asked me to come to his office as soon as I received the message. I reluctantly dragged myself out of bed and washed the goop out of my eyes, which were puffy and swollen from crying.

My roommates had left me alone throughout the night, and they continued to sleep as I slipped out the door quietly.

In the headmasters office, Headmaster Snape surveyed my hollow expression and unkept appearance. He spoke, "So you have heard?"

Snape drew a long breath, "I received a letter from your parents. The Dark Lord is well aware that their allegiance does not lie with him. Your parents have gone into hiding. I sent Cosette to them via the floo network late last night. They are under the protection of the Order. And they have asked me to watch over you while you continue your studies."

"YOUR care? Why you? That has to be a mistake! Maybe Madame Pomfrey would be willing to-" I trailed off as realization hit me.

"Wait- did you just say you SENT my sister to the Order?"

Snape nodded in affirmation.

"I don't understand…" Wasn't Snape working for The Dark Lord?

"There is much you do not know, Alice. Some things are better left in shadow. But you do not need to fear me. Truthfully, you have been in my care for quite some time. I have been watching you from a distance since your first day here at Hogwarts."

"Why would you do something like that?" I questioned.

Snape shrugged, "Your father and I went to Hogwarts together. I owe him a great deal. We are very old friends."

Flabbergasted, I stared at Headmaster Snape in disbelief, "How come he never told me this?"

Snape met my questioning gaze with a patient one, "My position in this war is a delicate one. Your father did not wish to compromise the safety of his family by associating too closely with me. I was therefore tasked with watching you from a distance."

"What could my father have done to deserve your loyalty?" I asked.

Snape hesitated, choosing his words carefully before continuing, "Robert gave me friendship when I had no one. He was one of the only people at Hogwarts I trusted to confide in. Robert is a good man, and I intend to keep you safe for him."

I braved the question that needed answering, "And my mother?"

"Terri is skeptical of my loyalties. I have played both sides in this war, so I can see how she would question them. She did, however, consent to my watch over you." Snape explained.

I averted my gaze as the words passed my lips, "Is she right? To not trust you, I mean."

Snape met my eyes seriously, "Terri trusts that I will keep you safe. But she does not trust that I will be able to shield you from the Dark Lord… not when I toe the line with him so frequently."

I huffed in amusement, "I have met the Dark Lord. He has a mean cruciatus curse."

Snape's eyebrows furrowed in shocked concern, "He has used an unforgiveable curse on you? I had not heard he tortured you."

Snape stepped closer to examine my bloodshot eyes and weak form. I spoke, "It was two days ago. I'm fine. Draco is all I'm concerned about."

"What did he do to the boy?"

I observed Snape then. He had taken on a protective stance and his voice was suddenly deep and threatening. My voice was faint as I explained the reality of the situation, "He used me to convince Draco to make an unbreakable vow. He has Draco's allegiance now."

Snape's eyes narrowed, "I see. I was wondering why the boy was acting strangely… You have been crying… for Draco."

I only nodded. Thinking about it caused me to squeeze my eyes shut tightly in an attempt to block out the pain. Snape reach out his hand, as if he were about to touch my shoulder to comfort me, but stopped and pulled away. I was too vulnerable to receive comfort from a stranger now.

Snape spoke as if he had to explain his almost comforting action, "You must understand, Alice. Although you know almost nothing about me, I know you very well. I have watched after and cared about you for many years. The first day I held you in my arms was the day your mother named me your God Father. Robert was overly supportive. I refused to be an active part of your life for fear I would cause you to be in danger. I was very happy when you finally came of age to attend Hogwarts. I had not seen you since your birth and I could hardly believe the beautiful little girl under the sorting hat was my Goddaughter. I love you now as if you were my own daughter, and I will do everything in my power to keep you safe."

I hesitated, absorbing the declaration slowly, "But why keep this from me for so long?"

"It has never been necessary to reveal it to you until now."

There was a short silence after Snape's last remark. The air was not filled with tension, only deep thought. I struggled to bring my thoughts to the surface and put my opinion into words, "Headmaster Snape…"

Snape cut me off, "I am your Godfather, child. You will call me Severus."

'….Severus. Who is allowed to know that you are my Godfather? Will it become common knowledge around the castle? The Dark Lord will find out about it at some point, won't he?"

Snape considered this, "It is best that he know. He will find out sooner or later, and it is best for both of us if I inform him myself. Being my godchild will not grant you immunity in this war, but it will offer you some measure of protection."

"Severus…I want to know exactly- Whose side are you really on?"

Snape smiled down at me, "That is something that will remain a mystery to you until you are no longer a liability. I must teach you occlumency before I disclose anything to you. Please understand, I must not tell you until you can guard your thoughts without a shadow of a doubt."

I nodded, "You know, telling me you have things to hide implies you might actually be fighting the good fight."

Snape did not crack a smile, but there was a hint of playfulness in his eyes with his response, "I admit nothing."

I smiled, "When will you tell the Dark Lord who I am?"

Snape turned to me, "Still avoiding his name, Alice? You are afraid."

His question caught me off guard. 'Was I afraid? Fuck yes, I was afraid…..He-who-must-not-named….. That meant more to me now than it had before- at least now that I had been hexed by him.'

Snape took my silence for an answer and moved on, "In regards to your question, it depends on when I am summoned. I will call you here to the Headmasters office when I have news."

"Should I be… worried?"

"About what?"

I hesitated, the words coming out a whisper, "Will I be required to become a death eater? I could never-"

"Calm down, Alice. I will try to gain a neutral position for you. The Dark Lord will not appreciate opposition, but you are of no value to him. He cannot expect you to do his errands."

"Can I really avoid the conflicts of this war unscathed?" I breathed out.

Snape considered my question before answering, "Only time will tell what sort of physical damage you may receive. But I fear the war has already taken its toll on your emotional stability. I realize Draco is important to you. I want you to know that there is still hope for the future. If the Dark Lord is killed, Draco will be free of the unbreakable vow."

I smiled, "You really do sound like my father."

Snape raised an eyebrow at me, "Robert and I have similar views on your upbringing." He paused, remembering something, "Did you ever have a feeling that someone was keeping an eye on you at Hogwarts? Or did I stay far enough away that you didn't notice?"

I considered this for a moment, but came to a conclusion, "I honestly have no idea. Which makes me rather nervous. I must not be as observant as I thought I was."

"Don't worry. I was the only one watching you. Apart from Draco, of course," Snape chuckled lightly and the sound oddly suited him.

"You knew about Draco?"

"Of course! Even when you two weren't on speaking terms, I always knew. Sometimes he would stalk into the dungeons and barge down my office door, demanding advice about an unnamed girl. I always knew it was you, and naturally stalled his advancements until you were both old enough… just as Robert would have wanted."

I nearly snorted, "You STALLED him? Have you always been such an unseen force? Rowena help me!"

"Of course. You never knew it, but I gave you a present every birthday and every holiday. Your sister as well…"

I was in shock, "WHAT!"

"Oh yes, you know that Great Aunt Tildamay you've never met before? She's been dead for twenty years. I have been sending you things under her name since you were born."

I stammered, "But… she sends me OWLS. I get… owls from YOU."

Snape smirked now, which was a rather unnervingly new expression for the stoic Headmaster, " All of my letters were advisory and nondescript, but they always pertained to some aspect of your life that I felt you needed an outsiders guidance with."

"Honestly, Severus, I can't imagine you going to a muggle store to find me a stuffed rabbit with a pink bow, or writing a letter in feminine calligraphy spritzed with plum perfume."

Snape gave me a slight smile, "It had to be a convincing letter so that you would never go out looking for your dead Great Aunt. And as for the many girly little items I picked up, I was always glad to find them. I chose what reminded me of you, and was usually rewarded by seeing you with your present in classes. I was particularly happy when you wore the charm necklace I gave you."

I cut him off, "The one with the heart pendant and bow?"

Snape nodded.

I smiled, "I was wearing it a few days ago when-" I trailed off, not wanting to recount my torture at the hands of He-who-must-not-be-named.

Snape looked at me intently and grasped my hands in his, "You must not worry any longer. I will protect you."

My smile returned and I whispered, "I believe you, Severus."

Two days later, it was the weekend, and I lay on the couch of my common room lounge studying potions when an owl swooshed overhead and plopped a letter into my lap. The letter was from Snape, and I hurried to his office immediately.

I entered and found Snape busy with paperwork at his desk, "The Headmaster has desk work?"

Snape sounded amused, "This is, after all, a day job, Alice."

He looked up at me and set down his quill, "I see you have taken to wearing the locket I gave you."

My hand immediately darted for my necklace, "Oh, yeah. I filled the photo frames."

"Ah, it has multiple spaces doesn't it? I chose it for that purpose."

"I filled them with three photos: a family photo, one of Draco, and one of you. We are family now, aren't we?" I asked noncommittally.

Snape made his way around his desk over to my place in the middle of the Headmaster's office. Gaining my attention with a lift of chin, he stated confidently, "You will always have me to rely on as family, Alice."

I beamed up at the man who had watched over me nearly my entire growing life. "Thank you, Severus. That means more to me than anything right now."

Without hesitation, I stepped into Snape's robe's and wrapped my arms around his torso, enveloping him with my small frame. Snape stiffened at the sudden contact, but awkwardly draped one arm over my own and patted my hair. "Of course, child…" he hummed quietly.

Snape and I spoke of a few more common Hogwarts rumors and the status of the Death Eaters on the grounds before finally coming to the topic of He-who-must-not-be-named. Snape sighed, "I have informed the Dark Lord of our relation, and he has agreed to never physically harm you again. But, as you know, he has other ways of making you bend to his will. He is extremely manipulative. I will do whatever I can to keep him at bay."

"I know you will. And I will try to be smart about my actions."

After a brief pause, Snape changed the subject, "Tell me, Alice. What is the form of your patronus?"

"My patronus is a doe," I stated blankly.

Snape nodded, "You will be surprised to learn that my patronus is also a doe."

I looked up in shock and disbelief, "What?! You're joking."

Snape's expression did not change, "I am quite serious."

"But, why a doe? And how come we are the same?"

Snape sighed, "You and I are not so very different. You see, people with similar personalities and core values share the same patronus. So do people in love."

I looked around awkwardly, "But I'm in love with Draco."

Snape let out a hearty laugh then, and whatever tension had been left between them vanished in that moment, "I suppose it is only right to tell you that I once loved a girl with the very same patronus, and thus acquired it myself. She married another, but I still inherited the doe."

"Where is she now?"

Snape's expression grew dark, "She's gone. But her patronus was passed down. You see, my love for you during your first years at Hogwarts created fertile ground for your Patronus to take shape and mold into a doe exactly like my own. Your subconscious was aware of my love for you, however unaware you may believe yourself to have been."

The realization hung in the air between us. I was not alone. I had never been alone, and I would never be alone again.

Draco was absent from school again the next week. That Wednesday, I was sitting in Charms class listening to a buffoon of a death eater babble on about some unforgivable hex when Snape burst into the room unannounced, "Alice Hart, I need you in my office now."

I hurried to pack up my things and followed Snape to his office. He got straight to the point once the doors were securely shut and we couldn't be overheard, " The Dark Lord has summoned you. We are to attend a meeting at Malfoy Manor tonight. We leave as soon as you are able."

"Now?! What does he want?"

"I do not know, but we cannot refuse. You must come at once."

"Am I prepared enough? I only have my wand."

"You also have me, Alice."


	7. Chapter 7

Light up the sky-yellowcard

Comes and Goes- Greg Laswell

Secrets-Ass back home

Saying sorry- hawthorne heights

Lovesick fool- the cab

~Ch 7: Vindicated Defiance~

Year 7 continued:

Before we apparated, Snape explained that when we began to travel, I would be able to see all the landscapes we passed over. He explained that we would move in a billowing trail of smoke and that his trail was black, the color of a death eater. My smoke trail would be silver, indicating that I was not a death eater. The Dark Lord would know we were coming as soon as our trails were visible outside the gates of the Manor.

The last time I saw Malfoy Manor was not so different to how I saw it at that moment. The manor was still as exquisitely dark and ornate as before. I still had no choice but to go, and I was still escorted by a death eater. Only this time, I came willingly.

Snape lead me through the gates, which turned to smoke as he passed through the iron bars. I did the same and found the cold sting of metal did not deter me. Instead, the bars grew smoky and allowed me to pass as well.

Once inside the manor, Snape lead me to a large dining hall with along, sturdy, wood table. Death eaters lined the sides of the table, and he-who-must-not-be-named sat at the head. He announced our arrival as we entered, "Ah, Severus. I was beginning to wonder if you had lost your way. And I see you have brought young miss Alice with you. Very good, come. Sit down and join us."

Snape seated me to his left next to another death eater. This put Snape between me and the Dark Lord, which I was grateful for.

The Dark Lord began asking about the movements of Harry Potter. As Snape discussed the matter with a confident and informed tone, I surveyed my table companions. I recognized many of the death eaters from their wanted posters. They were rugged, criminal wizards with a liking for all things cruel and venomous.

I noticed Draco sitting beside his father and mother in the center of the table. He did not meet my gaze, and I had to remind myself that he was under the control of the Dark Lord.

He-who-must-not-be-named addressed me, "ah, I see that you have noticed Draco here this evening, Alice. I must offer you my thanks. He has been quite obedient these past few months."

He was mocking me, and I refused to acknowledge his comment. I only narrowed my eyes and trained my gaze on the tabletop before me, determined not to lose my temper and do something stupid.

"There is no need for rudeness, Alice. I'm only being polite by thanking you. It was most helpful of you to assist in Draco's submission. I suppose that in your own small way, you are contributing to my efforts."

There went my patience. I spat the words at him in a rush of heated anger, "That's a lie! You know I don't belong here."

The Dark Lord smirked, "Perhaps your part in this has been unintentional. That does not, however, invalidate your contribution. Which is why you are here today. Dear Severus seems to be quite attached to you. Which was quite surprising to me, for I had not sensed this ever before. I suppose it is of no concern at the moment, for we have-"

A deep, guttural moan reverberated throughout the hall and bounced off the walls with a sickening howl. The sound turned my stomach in flips and put me on the edge of my chair. The howling continued as He-who-must-not-be-named addressed the former rat man, "I told you to keep our guest quiet!"

"Yes, my Lord. I will see to it."

My gaze followed his voice and landed on the haunting figure of a woman floating in the air in a supine position. Her long blonde hair flowed down towards the ground via gravity from a head that was tilted back in pain. Multiple lacerations dotted her body and she was swollen in different areas on her extremities. This woman had been mercilessly tortured. I recognized her despite her terrible beating. I gasped audibly, "Professor Burbage!"

The Dark Lord heard my surprised outburst and smiled wickedly, "Oh yes, the muggle studies professor. I have heard she is one of your favorites, Alice."

He waited for my response, but I was still in shock and could not find the words. "This woman stands for everything that goes against my philosophy of a pureblood hierarchy. She would have us mate with muggles!" The death eaters around me hissed in disgust.

"She encourages the mixture of magical blood with muggle blood! This is intolerable! She cannot be allowed to continue spreading such a foolish ideology!"

The Dark Lord used his wand to slowly transport Professor Burbage over the heads of the death eaters until she, too, was at the center of the table. Professor Burbage began pleading with Snape, asking for his help and claiming friendship through their shared employment at Hogwarts. It was heartbreaking.

The Dark Lord Was merciless. He raised his wand to silence her, but I interrupted, "No! Please! Don't hurt her anymore! She needs medical treatment! Let me help her, please. You've made your point. Muggle-lovers will clearly not be tolerated. Fine! Just please-"

The Dark Lord's mouth curled, "You are weak, girl. You show sympathy for the muggle lover!"

"I can help heal her. Please, just let her go, "I pleaded with the snake before me.

"Alice…Alice?" Professor Burbage called out to me.

I reached for her hand above my head, "I'm here, Professor."

The Dark Lord spoke authoritatively, "She would have you breed with a muggle, Alice. Supporting their race further… teaching them magic!"

This angered me, and my hatred toward him bubbled over, "I would sooner BREED WITH a muggle than any pureblood fool in this room!"

The Dark Lord's eyes lit up at my declaration, "Ah! Careful, Alice. Draco is in the room."

Scarlet covered my face in recognition of his meaning. But I turned to face Draco proudly, knowing I would one day regret my words, "Why should I wait for a pureblood who does not care for me when I could have a muggle who would."

A flicker of recognition registerd in Draco's eyes, but he remained silent.

The Dark Lord spoke, clearly bored of my distraction, "I suppose we have heard enough of the girls opinion. Lets eliminate the source of such ludicrous thoughts."

With one flick of his wrist, Charity Burbage was hit with a flash of light. I screamed in shock as she fell to the table with a resounding thud. I whimpered softly and stared in horror at the Professor's limp body and glassy eyes. She was dead, and I could do nothing to help her.

I began sobbing quietly and tears streamed down my face. The Dark Lord ignored me as he called his snake, "Nagini, dinner."

The snake slithered toward the body of my professor. I stood in protest and raised my wand quickly, "Stupefy!"

Nagini was frozen by my spell just before he reached Professor Burbage. I heard many death eaters gasp at my behavior and felt Snape rise from his seat, aiming his wand in my direction.

"Spellium," Snape cast a charm in my direction. It hit me with a flash, and my vision became white, then faded to black as I slumped into his arms.

I woke up in the middle of the night. I was in a large canopied bed with dark frilly covers and a wooden frame. I was undoubtedly still in Malfoy Manor, and that was deeply unsettling.

I shifted, and climbed out of bed to find I was already dressed in a nightgown. Fuzzy slippers waited at the bedside to save me from the chill of the cold floor. I slipped m feet inside them and walked to the door. Opening it quietly, I scanned the hallway. It was dark, but empty. I decided to go back for my wand, which I found on the table next to my bed.

Trailing back to the exit, I whispered, "Lumose."

My wand let off a faint light, and I shut the door behind me as I left the bedroom. I wandered down many hallways until I found a door that was cracked open, leaving a long stream of light trickling out into the hallway.

I peaked inside, and slid through the door when I saw that it was a library. The next thing I noticed surprised me. Drace was sitting in the corner reading a rather large book. I turned to leave, but he looked up and called my name.

"What are you doing up and about after being hexed? You should be resting."

Confused, I whipped around, "Since when did you care about me at all?"

Draco's voice grew quiet, "I'm told I've cared for a long time. I don't understand it. I feel nothing for you, but I know I used to."

Surprised, I asked, "You can remember that?"

"No- I can't. I just- maybe you should leave. Your presence only confuses me."

"But-"

Draco cut me off harshly, "Just go!"

I stood there silently for a moment as we stared at each other. He was glaring and I found myself angry as well. "No! I'm not going anywhere! If there is any hope that you might remember something, you need to try! I won't stand by and let you passively allow yourself to be controlled!"

Draco stood, "What if I don't want to remember!"

My eyes narrowed in disbelief, "You can't know that! Your past is part of who you are. You would have wanted to know."

Draco walked toward me, closing the distance between us, which had once seemed so vast. He hissed in my ear, "You toe a dangerous line here, Alice. And yet you continue to pester me with a forgotten past."

I gulped, regaining my composure, "I know it isn't safe. But you're worth it, Draco."

Draco back away from me with a scoff, "You know nothing!"

"You're wrong!" I insisted.

"I've done terrible things… things you'd gladly hex me for."

I stood my ground, not allowing him to intimidate me. "The things you've done don't matter to me. You had to do them. You had no choice.."

Silence hung in the air. It weighed heavily on my shoulders and seemed to press me into the floorboards.

"I can… help you to remember."

Draco met my eyes with a hint of distrust, "How?"

"You only need to listen."

Draco considered this for a moment, but nodded in agreement. I chose to begin jogging his memory with a memory we would both share, "Do you remember- no, of course you don't. One time, third year, I was down by the lake listening to the water when you found me. You told me I was silly for coming down alone, but I pointed out that you were alone as well. You scoffed at me, saying you were a MAN and it was different for me. You said that pretty girls like me were easy targets. I asked what would target me and you proceeded to tell me how mermaids snatched pretty young witches and dragged them to the bottom of the lake. I was frightened then, and returned to the castle without you."

Draco shook his head, "I have no recollection of this. How could I flirt with you like that? How daft." He scoffed. "I hardly believe it."

I met his eyes, "You were flirting?"

Draco snorted, "I think that's obvious. Did you make that up to convince me?"

I blushed, suddenly realizing he was correct. Draco had called me pretty and teased me with a false story. Even at thirteen, he was interested in me. "I didn't make it up. I can tell you another memory. Maybe you can tell me something about it I missed before."

Draco nodded, ready for the game, and I began, "Fourth year, we were at the lake again. You were teaching me how to skip rocks on the surface of the water. I failed over and over, but you were very patient with me. You held my wrist and lead me through the motions over and over. I looked up at you once, smiling. You were so close that it suddenly set me on edge. You leaned in suddenly and kissed me for the first time. I quite literally melted in your arms. It was so perfect I believed you would be with me forever…"

Though it was a false memory, one that Draco and I had fantasized on together, it still held much meaning for me. In truth, Draco and I had never experienced a first kiss. He had been concerned that the Dark Lord would discover his feelings for me through Legillemency if we had… So in place of a kiss, we had this false memory.

I couldn't meet Draco's eyes, but I could feel his attention trained on me. He broke the silence, "If your story is true, then I must have loved you."

I looked up at him then, my face burning scarlet. This new Draco was so unpredictable, I didn't know how to trust him with my most precious memories. "The Dark Lord hasn't told you anything?"

Draco looked at me seriously, "I have no details, but he has let me know I loved you and it's his fault I have changed. The only conclusion I can come to is that I made an unbreakable vow."

My eyes widened in shock, "You just.. figured that out on your own?"

Draco's eyes narrowed, "So it's true."

I nodded, "You took a vow of unwavering allegiance to the Dark Lord in order to protect me."

Draco motioned toward the book on the chair he had been reading, "I am trying to figure out how to reverse it, but the only way that I know of is death. The Dark Lord will have to die if I am to remember and have free will over my actions and… my feelings."

"Then there is no way I am going to help him win this war," I stated confidently.


	8. Chapter 8

I Don't Care-Apocalyptica

Chemicals React- Aly and AJ

Hero/Heroine- Boys Like Girls

Broad Ripple is Burning- Margot and the Nuclear So and So's

~Ch 8: The Edge of Shadow~

Year 7 Continued:

Before Snape came to the library to fetch me for our return to Hogwarts, Draco spoke to me in a serious tone, "I cannot help you in your task. I would die if I went against my vow. Should there be a battle, you must keep away from me. I have no control over my actions and I don't want to hurt you."

"You really think there will be a battle? Draco-" I faltered, "You could die…"

He shook his blonde head, "As long as the Dark Lord lives, I am expendable. Until I am fully myself, do not worry about my safety."

I protested, "I cannot just stop loving you! It isn't a switch I can turn on and off!"

Draco seemed shocked at my words, "You still… love me? Even now?"

My voice came out in a whisper, "More so than ever."

Draco's expression was both confused and intrigued. He reached his hand out then, and his pale limb came towards me- the arm that was marked. His nimble fingers came to rest on my hair, stroking one stray tendril back from my face. I wanted so badly to know what he was thinking at that moment.

Draco spoke softly, "Will you do something for me?"

I nodded slowly, watching him with caution. I did not fully trust him- not with the unbreakable vow over him. Draco hesitated before speaking, "Will you… kiss me… the way you said you did when we were fourteen by the lake?"

My breath caught in my chest.

In all honesty, that memory had not been a true memory at all… only a false story she and Draco had conjured together. Now he wanted the real thing? I wondered at that moment if I would deny him- explain that it had been somewhat of a lie. 'But then what would he think of me?'

No, I would do as he wished. Draco seemed to realize this. I didn't' have to answer him, he knew I would do this for him. He leaned in, just like I had described in the story, and our lips met.

It was soft at first, almost uncertain. I waited patiently for Draco to set the tone of the kiss. He had wanted this- he would be the one to define it. He swept his lips over mine quietly, brushing my nose with his own. Then, something seemed to spark through his body. It was as if the sudden closeness of our bodies had sent a stream of recognition through the membranes of his mind. He grew more forceful, rushing me with his mouth. I could feel an almost tangible heat as Draco fought for dominance in the kiss. Suddenly, Draco cried out. Dropping to his knees, Draco broke contact with me.

Draco sat crouched on the ground, grasping his head with clawed fingers. I gasped, simultaneously trying to catch my breath and speak to him, "Draco! What is it? What happened!"

Draco's eyes were watering and his face was contorted in pain, "Don't touch me! Get away! Just get out! GET OUT!"

I was paralyzed.

'What was going on? How could I have hurt him? We didn't do anything wrong! We just-… oh fuck.'

My body shook as realization hit me. I had tried to help Draco remember, and remember he did. He'd hit some sort of barrier in his mind. I was forbidden territory for him. As long as the Dark Lord lived, I couldn't have him.

"GET OUT YOU STUPID GIRL!" Draco was balling now. He was torn within himself- waging an internal war.

'I caused this…'

That thought sent me fleeing from the room without a second glance. If my presence caused him so much pain, I would stay away. I barreled down the dark halls, tears streaming down my cheeks and blurring my vision.

That was how Snape found me: blubbering and broken.

Snape apparated me back to his office. He turned to catch my eye and spoke seriously, "Draco does not fully understand your feelings for him, Alice. He is incapable of reciprocating. You must see this."

"Believe me, Severus, I do," I answered darkly.

A brief silence followed, until I spoke again, "But I have not given up hope fully. I will stay away form him until the Dark Lord is dead. I will not give up on him. You never gave up on the girl you loved! You and I both bear her patronus…"

Snape's eyes narrowed, "Plotting the Dark Lord's assassination is not an easy task, Alice. Harry Potter has been trying to do it for years.

"Then I will do everything in my power to aid him!"

"If you formally side with the Order and help Potter, you will no longer be under my protection- at least not from the Dark Lord. He will try to kill you just as he tries to kill the other members of the Order."

"I understand, but I cannot just stand by and do nothing! If I get the opportunity, I will take it," I stated firmly.

Snape's eyes gleamed with worry, "And when the time comes for you to duel Draco to the death, what then? You know the Dark Lord will pit you against each other. There is no avoiding it. He likes to play games with people."

"It will not come to that."

"You can't be certain, Alice! How will you defend yourself against an army of dark wizards? You have seen them. They are merciless. There will be a battle, and I fear you should be caught up in it."

"Too late, Severus. I'm already part of it. I will fight to save Draco's memories. No one will change my mind."

Snape nodded in submission, "My only hope is that you make it out of this war alive."

I was sitting in the Ravenclaw common room quietly reading when a prefect burst through the entrance. He scanned the room in a hurry, "All students are to report to the great hall immediately! Leave all your belongings!"

Ravenclaws burst from their chairs and ran to their dormitories looking for coats and wands. I decided I had everything I needed and headed straight for the dining hall.

When I arrived, I was greeted by a great storm of chatter. Students from every house were discussing possible reasons for the unexpected summons. I took a seat with the other Ravenclaws and waited for an explanation.

Many of the professors were already seated at the head of the room. When Snape came in and took his seat at the head of the room, I expected him to speak. Instead, he too waited silently. I wondered what we were all waiting for.

When the great doors burst open unexpectedly, I got my answer. One of the death eaters, a scruffy man with a large protruding nose, called out in a loud voice, "He is nearly here! The Dark Lord is coming!"

Gasps and screams filled the hall, but Professor McGonagal broke the panic, "Quiet! We must evacuate all underage wizards and those who do not wish to fight! All of you who wish to leave Hogwarts, come with me! The rest of you, stay where you are!"

McGonagal evacuated a majority of the students- most of whom used the floo network. I did not budge from my seat at the table. Looking around, I saw that there were not many who chose to stay behind. Out of the few, I did notice Neville Longbottom still seated at the Gryffindor table. If I didn't know him better, this would have surprised me. As predicted, virtually no one in the Slytherin house remained. All except Crabbe and Goyle had evacuated. I suspected they were still here Draco's orders. Snape stood and made his way down the isle to the exit. As he brushed past me, he whirled around and met my eyes, "I know I cannot stop you, Alice. But you must take care. This battle will be nothing like what you have faced before."

I nodded, and he motioned toward my locket, "Keep that with you always. Make sure the people you love are close to your heart."

Snape didn't wait for a response from me. He turned on his heel and left the hall.

Professor McGonagal entered at the same moment and instructed, "Alright! I see a few of you have chosen to stay behind! I must warn you, this battle will be harder than anything you have known. Many of you will die. You must be willing to take that risk if you are truly going to stay."

McGonagal lead us outside to the castle grounds. Members of the order were already waiting for any sign of the dark army. Time passed slowly as the gravity of the situation sank in and became our reality. Here, together, we would face Voldemort. We would fight. Many of us would fall. But we would never run.


End file.
